Empire of the Odd

Richard C. Hoagland just cracks me up, no I admit it. This fellows flights of fancy have given me happy hours of amusement in the voluminous and absurd tomes that he writes.

Now he has a weblog and absurdities abound, delivered daily to the fine mahogany desk of the Odd Emperor.

Why just today I learned to day that Hurricanes like the one that just slammed into the US Gulf Coast are *not* large storms powered by the interaction between warm water, cooler air, moisture and the rotation of the Earth. They are in fact hyperdimensional thingies. Huge artificial structures designed to wreak havoc in American cities. A fiendish plot that could only have been contrived by the sinister US government, or some vile multinational corporation bent on world domination.

Good thing that Hurricanes can’t be a natural phenomena! Hell, all those accounts from the 19th century and before must be simple fever-dreams of people wracked with malaria. All that stupid tree ring and sedimentary evidence? Must be a bunch of bullcrap.

Or the hyperdimensional hurricane creator device (HHCD) must have been around even back then!

Hyperdimensional? What the vug is that?

Well Mr. Hoagland has the answer ( I knew he would!) Just lookee here! Hurricane Ivan’s eye back in 2004 was kind of like, blurry, over-reprocessed photos of the planet Saturn. You can see patterns in the cloud wall and as we all know, hurricane eyes should be completely without patterns of any kind.

In fact this proves the hyperdimensional model of the entire solar system although this stunning revelation does not get us any closer to what the hell hyperdimensional means. I would really like a definition of the word. (Sigh,) Looks like I’m going to have to consult the Official Odd Emperor Word Definition Archive. (OOEWDA)

Hyper means

“Having a very excitable or nervous temperament; high-strung.“Emotionally stimulated or overexcited.

There are several definitions for “dimensional.” I guess the most revalent one might be

“ Physics. A physical property, such as mass, length, time, or a combination thereof, regarded as a fundamental measure or as one of a set of fundamental measures of a physical quantity: Velocity has the dimensions of length divided by time.”

So I guess the term hyperdimensional means,“overexcited, nervous and emotional physical qualities? Wow, that’s pretty heavy!

But the term hyperdimensional itself?, hmmm When I looked up this term I discovered

“No entry found for hyperdimensional. “

In desperation I turned to Wikipidia, surly they would know what hyperdimensional means. But alas I found

“No page with that title “

I’m thinking that hyperdimensional is not really a word or at best, a made up word. Well that’s OK! We all know that people like Hoagland can make up new words when ever they want. If the rest of us were better ejumacated (or something) we could all make up words! Wouldn’t that be fun? I want to make up a word now! How about Quasiundermanagementreality?”? I don’¢t know what this means yet but it sounds important! Hoagland continues on his blog.

.
One professional meteorologist, Scott Stevens — at KPVI-TV in eastern Idaho — has
independently reached the same scientific conclusion that we have … that “someone” is indeed “managing” our weather!

Scientific Conclusions? Just saying so must make it all true right? I bet Mr. Hoagland made observations (on long term hurricane and global climate data.) Formed a hypothesis, experimented on his hypothesis using controls (like he constructed a model of the planet Earth inside a giant supercomputer and replaced water vapor with limburger cheese vapor to see what happens.) Found that the data supported or refuted his hypothesis, revised his hypothesis and went back to testing and experimentation.

Well, he probably just made that all up but it’s OK! Making up stuff and claiming it’s a scientific conclusion is a time honored tradition among some people but we know Mr. Hoagland’s not like that!

So Wow! They must be pretty crappy managers! The weather seems to be getting worse, especially around the Gulf States. Do you think that (gasp!) Someone is CAUSING all the death and destruction in the southern US?

“As I (Hoagland) bluntly asked one of our own long-time Enterprise “intel insiders,” late last night:

“Are we, in fact — as Bearden strongly now suggests — immersed in an undeclared hyperdimensional weather war …!? “

So in conclusion we can plainly see that;

1) hurricanes are not natural phenomena but man made artificial storms using magical devices that have been around since at least 1600.

2) Hurricanes are steered so that their impact on cities can be maximized.

3) Hurricane Katrina was purposely steered into New Orleans to cause maximum economic damage to the US. even though it really missed, the center actually hit the towns of Biloxi and Gulfport. I guess no one’s perfect.

4) Over-processed photos (where you run unsharp mask filters and other electronic processing programs over and over) are to be assumed to depict actual things and not emerging rasters or Moray patterns like first year graphic artists are taught.

But the most stunning revelation? The Ralston Purina Corporation
must actually be the culprits behind engineered hurricanes! Look, here’s proof.

This photo from Richard Hoagland’s own web page of Hurricane Katrina CLEARLY shows the checkerboard device of the Ralston Purina Company. This is the smoking gun! The proof that Richard Hoagland is absolutely right and all those stupid meteorologists and climate guys should just pack it in and learn another trade, truck driving for instance.

How much more proof do we need? It must be a world-wide plot to destroy the US economy, disrupting the FOOD SUPPLY over a wide area by using five hundred year old hyperdimensional hurricane creation devises (HHCDs) The Purina Corporation comes in, distributing rations to starving people, making tons of money in the process. What could be more simple!

To think that we were almost taken over by a large pet-food conglomerate.

Thanks Richard! We would all be eating dog food right now if it were not for your diligent efforts.

The Odd Emperor

Some time ago we started receiving some strange and alarming emails from a Mr. Laruence Litetowler in Sarasota Florida. Alarming because of their content and the strident tone of the sender.

**

“to The Odd Empire
From Laruence Litetowler litetol@#####.com

Odd Emeperor

I saw your write up on the time cube site that Eugene stole from me. He’s thinks that by getting his theory on the intranet he can destroy the TRUE and COMPLETE STUPENDUS TIME CONE which is NOT a theory but a FACT and only if I could get the STUPENDUS TIME CONE into the intranet then the whole would see my excessive genius.

You are obviously a dumb jerk who cant see the excessive genius of I the MOST GENIUS HUMAN who has figgurrd out the STUPENDUS TIME CONE, you think that idiot Eugene with his DUMB time cube is more enlightened than me. WHAT A SAD PATHETIC MORON YOU ARE!!!!!

Laruence L

**

From The Odd Emperor, oddempire@oddempire.org
To Laruence Litetowler litetol@#####.com

Greetings!

Thanks for the “nice letter.”

Have a great life, (dork!)

Sincerely;
The Odd Emperor

**

“to The Odd Emporoe
From Laruence Litetowler litetol@#####.com

You think you are so damn smart? You don’t have my EXCESIVE GENIUS because you never thought of the STUPENDUS TIME CONE and I have! You may have just this intranet site but I have the STUPENDUS TIME CONE truth and you witsh you had it. If I could do this intranet web page comuter thing I would publish the TRUTH and not the stupid intranet page that you make. You are frade of putting the TRUTH of the STUPENDUS TIME CONE on your comuter intranet page because you are just a lousy COUWARD!!!!1

Laruence L
**

Hi Mr. L;

You intrigue the Odd Emperor. If you send me your time cone information I could host a time cone (er) “intranet computer web pageust for you. Then the ENTIRE WORLD will see just what a dufus (er genius) you REALLY ARE!

How about that?

Sincerely;
The Odd Emperor.

**

I never received an answer. I forgot about the whole thing. The letters ended up in the Imperial Files and I went on to other things.

But, one morning the Imperial post came with a manila envelope, addressed to the Odd Emperor. inside was an ordinary disk with the words “PROOF!!!!” written in a shaky hand on the disk itself. On the floppy was a web page, (sort of.) It was in that same oddball style that Gene Ray uses for his time-cube page. Lots of random fonts, some photos and crazy ranting.

The next day another floppy arrived with more ranting.

Not knowing what to do I asked my Imperial technoflunkis to go ahead and publish the whole mess. After all, I did promise!

The Odd Emperor

The Time Cone page from the first disk.

I’m not sure where I picked this up, probably UFO Update (I’m catching up on my reading this week.)

This neatly crystallizes the idea that most (if not all) UFO abduction stories are regurgitated plots from popular media, mostly bad science fiction films of the bug eyed monster variety. If true it’s going to be interesting to see what the next crop of alien abduction tales will be like. With the recent crop of “humans go into space but don’t find aliens (Firefly, Battlestar Galaictica,) will the new abductors be time traveling humans or sinister government agents? Will the machine like Deros of Richard Shaver make a comeback? (Outside the writings of Icke or Mott that is.)

Anyway, enjoy!

http://www.talkingpix.co.uk/ArticleGaucheEncounters.html

Some of you may have noted that the Odd Emperors been missing for a couple of weeks. We were doing important work, reviewing the front lines and fighting the good fight. I noted that Paul Kimball made some nice comments on his weblog about the Odd Empire. Thanks Paul! It’s gratifying that someone out there gets where the Odd Emperor is coming from.

I was perusing around among the usual suspects when I ran across this piece.

“The DOPler Effect
Do objects disappear around your home, then inexplicably reappear? You might be a victim of DOP, or Disappearing Object Phenomena. What could be the cause?

This is so obviously a parody. Its written in that strange pseudo- intellectual style, so appealing to the pseudo scientific community.
One passages really stood out at me.

We must remember that any paranormal investigation must first rule out the most likely, if pedestrian, explanations for what seems like an unexplainable event. Only then can we consider more unusual possibilities.

My inner jackass started braying the moment that I saw that, for a number of reasons.

It’s so completely foolish! FIRST rule out the most likely explanations? Only than can you conclude that a ghost misplaced your ball point pen or some other stupid thing? And yet this is exactly how many people think the paranormal should be approached.

In real science you never completely eliminate possibilities, you weight them in order of probability. Lost pen? I probably sat it down somewhere and forgot about it or a ghost took it from me. You can consider the ghost but that’s such a complex (thereby unlikely) explanation that it’s not seriously equated. At least most sane people would never give it a second thought.

Many believers seem weigh possibilities conversely proportional to their un-reasonability. Coupled with a general ignorance of how the physical world operated this can lead to amusing conclusions. “The pen flipped through another dimension. Aliens took it to examine.” Etc.

The third reason my inner jackass got a good belly laugh from this?

Well! I originally found this article posted on a certain page run by a fellow who apparently has no clue that the piece WAS a parody. He posted it as just an interesting news item.

Or perhaps he knows its a parody an he wanted to test his readers.

Or perhaps the piece is not a parody at all!.

BWAAAA HAAAHA HAAAAAA!!!!!

From this…

This is pretty funny and illustrates the *perception* many believers have regarding skeptics. The real funny thing is that, if anyone on the skeptical side uttered an inanity like that they would be severely trounced by the regulars. I’ts not ironic at all that this illustration comes from Chick Publications, people who also believe in eternal hellfire, angels with wings and demons with pitchforks.

Likewise, people who believe in this vision of a ,“typical” skeptic also believe in aliens, bigfoots and chupa-what-do-you-call-ums. It’s too bad, some are very smart people but they’ve gotten themselves in something of a Fortian trap. One that allows no quarter and no dissent of any kind. It gives them so little wiggle room that they *always* resort to passionate, illogical argument and nearly always descend into rude ad-hominem fallacies.

You can’t talk to these people sometime, they fear communicating with a real skeptic more than they fear aliens. The reason they try to make skeptics into that Chick illustration is because they *want* to fear that which they don’t agree with. They make up things just like they make up aliens and Bigfoot.

I just pulled this off of ARS. Although the Odd Emperor has never given an interview on Scientology, these rules might be good to keep in mind whenever encountering any militant believer.

***quote

“To all critics of Scientology who give interviews to the media.

I listened to a number of your interviews on xenutv.com and have heard
a number of other your interviews, and have read the posts on this
newsgroup.

I have agreed with ALL of your critisisms of the CoS — and I am NOT a
Scientologist — however, I do routinely advise clients on interviewing
techniques and provide media training. Having worked with a number of
folks in academics (mostly MDs), and other professionals, I’ve learned
that while most experts know their subject inside and out, they’re too
close to their subject, and they often forget that their listeners
don’t share their insight. The CoS-ers who submit to interviews are
clearly trained — and very often, their interviewers were “handled.”

In the interviews I’ve heard, the CoS Critics are so hung up on
specifics, that the “Big Picture” is lost.

So I’d just like to offer the following observations and suggestions:

The best way to approach these CoS folks is NOT to attack them as
“criminals, liars & thieves.” This requiers getting the interviewers
and listeners to buy-in to your emotions and belief systems — and
that’s hard — and it takes time…and understandin…to get them on
your side.

INSTEAD, take a path that will immediately “hook” the listeners and
interviewers with something simpler: THE TRUTH — what the CoS-ers
believe, and how just plain stupid it is. It’s a whole lot easier to
make your point impactfully if the interviewers and listeners ARE ON
YOUR SIDE, BECAUSE THE OTHER SIDE SOUNDS SO DUMB…and most people
would rather be considered SMART than DUMB. So paint the CoS for what
it is…JUST PLAIN DUMB…FOOLISH…and most importantly, LAUGHABLE.

Next, make your points short and impactful. Examples:

1) Media Question: So tell me, what is Scientology all about?

Answer: “Simple, It’s a FAKE RELIGION invented by a FAILED SCIENCE
FICTION WRITER in the 1950s…AND GET THIS…They ‘BELIEVE’ that we’re
all infested with the spirits of THOUSANDS OF DEAD SPACE ALIENS, and
the only way to find ‘TRUE HAPPIENESS’ (mockingly), is to get rid of
them — thu Scientology. Because they’re the ‘ONLY ONES’ who can teach
you how to ‘TALK’ to these DEAD ALIENS and convince them to LEAVE YOUR
BODY! And Scientology will be HAPPY to ‘TEACH’ you how to do this —
FOR ABOUT $300,000!”

Again, mockingly — but to the point — AND you’ve told the truth. But
remember, avoid terms like “dangerous cult, criminals, fraudulent” etc.
It’s not the time — that’s for later — and it’s better for the
interviews to come to these conclusions on their own and comment on it.
This is the time to illustrate CoS’s lunacy and destroy their
credibility by using CoS’s own beliefs.

2) Media Question: What? (a likely response) They believe in THAT? (by
now, somewhat in disbelief)

Answer: “Yeah, It seems at about 75 million years ago, this evil
galactic overlord named Xenu…(quickly and mockingly tell the
story)…and their dead souls STILL HAUNT US…and Scientology tells us
that they’re the cause of ‘ALL THE EVIL IN THE WORLD.’ That’s why
they’re SOOOO against psychology…YOU DON’T NEED A SHINK OR
ANTIDEPRESSANTS…IT’S THOSE PESKY DEAD ALIENS CAUSING ALL YOUR
PROBLEMS! AND SCIENTOLGY IS HERE TO HELP YOU GET RID OF THEM…Again,
For about $300 GRAND!” (A knowing and mockingly sarcastic delivery is
key here)

This immediately strips them of all credibility. They look like the
idiots they are…and you get the interviewers and the listeners
laughing and on your side — HOW COULD THEY SUPPORT THIS LUNACY?

3) Media Question: So if I go to one their Churches…they’re gonna
tell me this stuff, right?

Answer: “First of all, don’t call it a “Church”…It’s not a religion,
it’s a BUSINESS and THEY WANT YOUR MONEY. And NO, you won’t learn that
stuff right away — are you kidding? People would run off laughing
hysterically if they told ’em that right off the bat…No, that stuff
is ‘SUPER SECRET INFORMATION!’ And that’s ONLY for the ‘UPPER’
levels…AND it’s gonna take you about TWENTY YEARS and COST ABOUT
$300,000 — OR MORE! — TO FIND THAT STUFF OUT. SEE…It’s not a
‘Church’ — What kind of ‘CHURCH’ makes you cough up 300 GRAND before
you can learn about Jesus or Mohammad or Bhudda? Scientology ISN’T A
RELIGION…IT’s A SCAM to get ALL YOUR MONEY!…GIVE EM TWENTY YEARS
AND 300 GRAND, and they’ll ‘TEACH’ you about XENU AND THE DEAD ALIENS!”

Now, the CoS-ers are starting to look even more idiotic, and their
‘Church’ greed and criminal nature begins to come to light. Hopefully,
the interviewers and listeners will now be inclined to question the
CoS-ers in a likewise mocking approach.

Then you can (quickly) talk about L Ron’s insanity, Lisa McPherson, CoS
mind control, e-meter & auditing foolishness, pattern of lies, black
ops, Narconon, battle agaisnt psychology…etc…etc…Whatever subject
works within the context of the interview.

DON’T get bogged down by specifics — obscure names, dates, court
cases, CoS lingo, etc. Be simple, hard hitting, and to the point. AND
DON’T BE AFRAID to jump in on answering the questions the intviewers
ask them.

NOW, after these idiots’ true nature has been cemented, THIS is when
you get to the Lisa McPherson story: “IN FACT, there was a case in
Florida…” (hit it hard and quick)

Unfortunately, it was clear the CoS folks who were on that most recent
radio interviews I have heard had media training, and their answers
were scripted and well rehearsed. And they sounded fairly credible to
both the hosts and listeners (as I was one).

In dealing with these CoS flacks, always be courteous, BUT NOT
RESPECTFUL — They’ll try to talk over you, so respond likewise. DO
RIDICULE their beliefs — LAUGH AT THEM. ATTACK their history, belief
systems and actions (that’s what they’re gonna do to you). But DON’T
attack them personally — in fact, “FEEL SORRY” for them, because YOU
DO, and want to help them see the LUNACY of their brainwased beliefs —
which is THE TRUTH.

DON’T ASK THEM QUESTIONS: BECAUSE THEY WON’T ANSWER. Because they’ll
turn it back on you.This gives them more air time, and allows them to
push your buttons.

DON’T ANSWER THEIR QUESTIONS; Because they’re set-up, designed to
derail you and take you off-point. RATHER, dismiss their questions, and
go bact to your point.

L Ron supposedly said something about “never defend, always attack” —
(Sounds a bit like Sen Siu, but then he “borrowed” most of his works).
BUT that’s the only way to deal with them…Attack them with THE TRUTH.
They can’t fight that.

YOU WANT THE INTERVIEW TO BE ON YOUR TERMS — with the hosts and
listeners backing YOU up. Stay on point. Don’t get sidetracked. Don’t
put yourself in a position of defending yourself. Make an outline. And
rehearse. This way, you can effectively communicate to the interviews
and listeners a view of the CoS-ers to for what they are: Greedy
mind-controlled zombie idiots.

I applaud your work…and hope these suggestions will help you and
other CoS critics in your noble battles.

BUT REMEMBER THIS: It wasn’t debate or getting people on your side that
made people see that the Emperor had no clothes. It was a lone,
enlightened voices who responded with laugher, mocking and ridicule.
And within no time, everyone was laughing, mocking and ridiculing the
Emperor’s naked stupidity. And he ran off in shame, never to seen
again.

These are the strategies and tactics to take against Scientologists….”

****

I look at the UFO Updates list when I’m in need of a chuckle. Not that most of the posters there are to laugh at. Many are sober, reasonable people. Folks I would be happy to hoist a beverage with at a local watering hole or get into a deep conversation about most anything. Some *are* folks that I’ve gotten into conversations with, in various places on the Internet.

Others? To judge some people by their writing? Well; it’s to imagine them at some Zoo for frustrated UFOlogests. Behind stout bars of reason and logic they shake their fists uselessly at the world and fling brown malodorous chunks of fantasy and unreason at the passing patrons.

For example.

In a thread entitled; ÓUfology’s Internal War.”

Eugene Frison writes, responding to a call from Robert Frola
for all UFOlogests to stand together irregardless of their beliefs.

I can’t agree with your closing sentence. Having differences of
opinion (but staying objective and using proper scientific
methodologies) is one thing, but believing/propagating unfounded
speculation is another.

The biggest obstacle this field has to making progress (whether
that is understanding the nature of the UFO phenomenon or
getting acceptance by the public, media, scientific community,
etc.) is – to quote Richard Hall in a recent post – “the cancer
that has invaded this field.”

To stand united with this group is to ensure that Ufology continues to
be ridiculed and on a path that could bring it to its doom. Only by
somehow seperating disciplined Ufology from the foolishness – and having
the public, media, and scientific community understand and recognize
this seperation – does the field have any hope.

Standing collectively with the con men, frauds, psychotics,
wild-eyed believers, channellers, etc. that comprise a hugh part
of this field is the worst possible approach in attempting to
make ufology accepted and successful.

Ed Gehrman replies;

These different persuasions have one common factor:

The ‘other’. Are there ‘other’ intelligent alien (outsider) life
forms in our vicinity?

We – ufology – can disagree about particulars, but we might
agree that the ‘other’ exists. Then we might begin discussing
the nature of the “other”.

Also, as Eleanor suggested, why not make a list of the
discredited cases?

William Bolt responds.

Eugene and List

I agree with you completely, until the seriously dedicated
Ufologist distant themselves from those who’s only interest in
the field is for what profits and attention can be harvested
from people such as myself who can afford barely an occasional
book or ticket to attend a local convention, Ufology will never
receive the acceptance it deserves. I will support the real deal
Ufologist and can spot those who are snake oil salesmen.

But stand together you will because until a Stanton Friedman, a
Nick Pope, Dr. Maccabee, I would even give a thumbs up to George
Filer if he produced a live Martian Wabbit (on a leash of
course) can lay hold of a craft or living gray or reptilian from
an off world planet and delivers it to the White house lawn for
the world to see, main stream science and the media will
continual to roll their eyes whenever UFOs are mentioned.

Alfred Lehmberg… flings.

Let me just close with a bunch of ebullient raspberries, and
rude gestures. You’ve mistaken the problem, don’t have a
solution, and are no adept at prophesy. Take your ball and just
go home. Everything you’ve said has been said before and
discounted. Ironically, I suspect, _you’re_ the chronic
intellectual cancer of metaphor endured since 1947, Sir. You
are, decidedly, not the cure, and your tedious ethic has not
moved us a centimeter in 50 years.

My best, and all respect, to Mr. Hall, who may yet be part of
the conjectured ‘cure’ and who has paid abundant dues for same,
regardless. He’s produced the single work that is _all_ the
excuse Mr. Frison’s mythic science mainstream would need to
begin a passionate investigation of UFOs… yet that
investigation is _not_ forthcoming. Woo-woos are thoughtless
excuse… they are, in no way, the reason.

The entire thread can be viewed at http://www.virtuallystrange.net/ufo/updates/
..As usual it’s not necessary to comment. : )

I just watched the US Space Shuttle launch. Pretty impressive performance! They ran live camera shots from the external tank including a fantastic view of the Shuttle separation.

Now, how many self proclaimed experts out there are going to declare the paint chips and junk going through that shot are following UFOs?

Let’s see!

From: Greg Boone
To: ufoupdates@virtuallystrange.net
Date: Thu, 21 Jul 2005 02:11:05 EDT
Subject: Illegal Aliens?

Here’s one story I’ve been reluctant to relay but a pal who is
an old time Ufologist bade me do so.

He had asked me about what was going on in Mexico as he had read
the reports of the never-ending sightings down there.

Then I had to ‘fess up to something several Mexican neighbors of
mine told me.

Since I can walk out my front door, take a few steps and ask any
number of folks from Mexico, that I know, about anything
Mexican. I of course asked about the UFO flaps.

As the conversations segued back and forth about the controversy
about the mass border-crossings, one chap looked at me sternly
and said,

“Jobs ain’t the only reason we come here. It’s to get away from
all those UFOs!”

He had a word they use for UFOs and ETs, but I forgot it. The
others acknowledged him and at first I thought he was joking, but
I asked another group of the guys who hang out in the parking
lot of one of the hardware stores nearby.

Yep, same thing. They said UFO stories, news reports and close
encounters of all kinds have folks in Mexico quite stirred up.
Again they reiterated that that was another main reason they
make it to the U.S.

Best,

Greg