22 days until what my fab-funseekers? Why the end of the world of course which is happening this month or so Before It’s News would have you believe.

In their breathless headline ” 1 Weird Tip for Getting Ripped Fast!” …. Oh, not that headline! This one!

“Urgent Warning-the Greatest Nightmare Ever Begins September 2015! Major Biblical-Prophetic Event Coincides With the Ending Date of Jade Helm-You Will Be Left Speechless! (Eye Opening, Stunning Videos)”

Wow, that’s a headline! I need to talk to my trusty staff of trained Orangutans about proper headline formatting and content! With my luck they will flee the Odd Empire and end up at the Before It’s News webpage (not that anyone would notice.)

But that’s not important right  now. What is important is the PROOF that the world is going to end on Septmber 25th. What proof you might ask? Well look at all of these YouTube videos!

Here’s one. TWO cows with the number 7 on their forehead were born in Texas.  That TWO COWS – TWO with the number 7!!!!!
Hold the phone there partner! That’s an Arabic number 7! Surely God would paint the Jewish seven on the forehead of a cow! That would make the number 4 on the cow’s foreheads. Or maybe six, it’s kind of hard to tell with Hebrew numbers.

But here’s more “proof.”

“There is no denying that global events just keep getting stranger by the day…especially in the United States of America, where the many voices of the people once shouted, “Let freedom ring!” but now shout, “We don’t care if we lose our freedom, we’re too busy and dumbed down to worry about it!”  Or better, “We do not believe anything is going on. It’s all nonsense!”  

 

 

Wait what?What does that have to do with anything. Then again, I suppose it’s of major importance that “Unwashed-Joe” in the USA care about IT, whatever “IT” might be!

They go on…

“The American people have been so pampered and spoiled in this life that they are clueless when it comes to true suffering. So what will they do when the pacifier is literally yanked from their mouths and their diaper supply is suddenly cut off? They will do what any spoiled rotten baby does in a time of crisis—they will throw a temper tantrum and destroy everything around them. Literally, all hell will break loose!”

Well he has a point there. The US hasn’t had a war on it’s own soil since that one nobody believes really happened back in the 1860s.

“All over the internet are at least a dozen different opinions, theories, and ideas about what Jade Helm really is, and why the Walmart stores are closing at the same time.”

What and what? Jade Helm and Walmart stores closing AT THE SAME TIME??? That CAN’T be a coincidence. Where the’s smoke there’s fire! Hey, there are a lot of fires burning in the West US. That HAS to have something to do with all of this. What I have no idea, but it must be important!

“Before I go further, I want to state my opinion on this entire ordeal. I whole heartedly (sic) believe that if indeed there is more to this than meets the eye, and I truly feel there is, that it has everything to do with a major economic collapse that will arrive in September at the end of the seven year Shemitah cycle. The Shemitah cycle, interestingly enough, ends September 13, 2015. Coincidentally, the Jade Helm exercises offically (sic) ends September 15, 2015, only two days later, according to their official press release (excerpt): “

What? The Shemitah cycle? What in the world could that be?

“The sabbath year (shmita Hebrew: ??????, literally “release”) also called the sabbatical year or sheviit (Hebrew: ???????, literally “seventh”) is the seventh year of the seven-year agricultural cycle mandated by the Torah for the Land of Israel,^[1] and still observed in contemporary Judaism.” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shmita

Wow! That’t pretty tough to argue with. Since the “seventh” year takes place once every seven years (get-it? Sabbath/seventh!) Jade Helm ended only days later than the Shemitah new year and ON THE SAME YEAR!!!! There’s like a one in seven chance of that happening! How could anyone doubt this story now!

“—In 1987, a solar eclipse took place Sept. 23 – again the end of a “Shemitah” year. Less than 30 days later came “Black Monday” the greatest percentage crash in Wall Street history.”

Well those are just amazing coincidences!

So there you have it. Proof positive that the end of Earth is going to happen on September 25th. I’ve got to get my keen Intergalactic cruiser waxed and prepped for the journey home. You funseekers? You probably better do whatever you need to!