The big new Bigfoot buzz is none other than Todd Standing and his (drum roll) Sylvanic Bigfoot!
The story goes a bit like this. Todd Standing was a sketic but unlike myself he was not a lazy bastard skeptic, so he went into the woods to PROVE Bigfoot was a myth…
Now , let’s not allow logic to spoil a good story, most of us understand that you can’t really prove a negative. (Translated for people like Moonbat, nobody can disprove Bigfoot, all you can do is gather evidence or debunk and dismiss the so-called evidence.) Hopefully, if there is enough real evidence (which cannot be debunked,) one can finally say that criptez like Bigfoot are real beasts and the whole mess is turned over to the Zoological people.The Cripzologists happily go back to searching for thunder lizards or some other damn thing after getting the super-slam at Denny’s.
But Todd Standing is no ordinary skeptic! He’s not a skeptic all! Not any more anyway. He found the very beast that he was trying to disprove by not finding -it. Shocking I know! With his trusty Indian guide, a biologist an a paramedic they marched into the deep and spooky undisclosed woods, found a sekrit heretofore undiscovered tunnel under an undisclosed mountain, and found…. they found…….(wait for it.)
EVIDENCE OF BIGFOOT!!!!!
They even brought back spine tingling films of the furry guy. This is not Harry and the Hendersons folks this is the real, smelly thing! He even found a “domicile,” as apposed to “nests” or habitat like those other “researchers” find.
Our goal is to carefully gather as much information about this species while adhering to our first priority, which is to ensure we do not compromise the research site in any way. This species has zero tolerance for any sustained human presence. When a habitat is compromised, not only do we lose a valuable research site, these animals lose their home. Loss of a habitat means loss of life. Our priority now and always will be the welfare of this species. If we feel our work in any way leads to the detriment of these animals our work will stop immediately.
We all know that homeless bigfoot would really suck! They might end up gifting in Los Vegas, nobody wants to see that!
If I would have had a gun (either tranquilizer or bullet projectile) we were well within range of successfully taking a shot. Therefore, one might conclude that the animal you see in video 2 is vulnerable. You could not be more mistaken. The day after we shot video 2 we found definitive evidence that there had been another animal standing no more than 10 feet away from us.
Now friends and funnseekers, how would any animal (or primitive human for that matter) think that pointing a gun was an aggressive move? Heck they were point cameras the entire time and had they even shot one of the beasts, how would it know that the gun could hurt them. They would have no idea unless they are really not beast at all. But wait, there’s more!
Conclusion: The sound we heard just after shooting video 2 was the rock crashing to the ground. That sound was a diversion. The animal that was standing behind the tree ripped the rock out of the earth and threw it precisely when the animal in video 2 required a diversion. This would have required an unfathomable feet of strength to throw such a large rock that distance. More importantly, the timing indicates a level of intelligence that would put this species into a category of intelligence that would exceed that of any other primate (excluding humans).
Hmmm, it’s “unfathomably strong, super-strong in fact. Todd Standing talks about being continuously outwitted by the invisible monsters that he was sure were all around him. According to this video it’s way fast. It can run over 40 miles per hour over rough terrine. It must have superior eyesight and keen hearing. The entire tribe of Bigfoot knew instantly when humans were around because they posted sententials which could see them coming, day or night for miles.
You can even download and watch spine tingeing vids of the hairy beast, (for a nominal fee.)
In all seriousness, I don’t necessarily think that the idea of a manlike mega fauna might live unknown in uninhabited areas is total ka-ka. There are still huge swatches of forest that have been hardly explored. It’s possible (although unlikely) that there are species that we know nothing about. Bigfoot and animals like him are prevalent in the lore of, not only this country but just about every society that has ever existed.
But this one sounds kind of familiar…
Let’s see, really strong, super intelligent, super acute hearing, telescopic vision, runs very fast.. where have I heard all of that before?
Now I remember..
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