We do get the most fascinating mail here at the Odd Empire. This one was from one of our associates who thought we might be interested. At first we didn’t think much, we see letters like this all the time. But this one (remember it was not sent to the Odd Empire but to someone else) had some of MY writing on it.
Clearly this is some strange business!
And since it was of a legal nature (sort of) I woke up the Hounds of Hell to take a look. The Hounds of Hell are the legal agency of Labrusky, Skinflint, Shyster, and his larger brother Leo, once I got them to dry out for a while (they hate that) I was able to get them to take a look, after smearing it with bacon grease first.
Works every time!
This is what they said about the letter.
Well actually the junior brother Leo said this, the rest of the firm were busy chasing rats or some other disgusting thing. I try to stay out of my legal staff’s business, it’s better that way! Anyway , here’s Leo Shyster’s take on this letter.
By the waMissy, this is for entertainment purposes only (those of you who take this and yourselves WAY too seriously.)
**
“First off, boss!” said Leo Shyster. “Why do you even bother with this crap? This letter is like a big steaming mass of horse manure after a rainstorm. It’s not even close to making any real assertions or even asking for any reasonable action. Hell – Chilling Effects is full of this bullcrap. My reaction is a big wet Bronx cheer! I mean ignore them!, they send this stuff around to scare people because they got nothing else they can do!
“Ignore them?” I said, “that’s all you have to say?
“Well yeah” said the junior partner “Now the letter itself” he continued ” it probably is from a real legal agency which spent maybe a couple’ a minutes on this letter or whatever the hell it is.. basically it’s says, “stop using your first amendment rights or else. They know how retarded that is and how it won’t stand up in court. They basically had this Missy person write the letter, then cleaned it up a little. I bet they were giggling about this around the water cooler too! She probably paid a couple of hundred dollars for this joke.
They can’t really tell anyone what public web pages they can’t look at or who they can contact.” he continued.
“Is that quote is from one of your emails boss?” he asked.
“Oh yes” I said, “Moonbat contacted me some time ago and started making a lot of crazy demands.”
“She contacted you?” asked Leo Shister.
“Uh uh!, or some automated stuff on her web page did. I was never clear about that.”
“I makes no matter,” said Leo. ” You are permitted to respond to an email, even if it say’s “never contact me or don’t respond.” Otherwise people could send abusive emails all day long saying “don’t reply or else” and there is nothing you could do about it. You can reply once, but if they ask you to leave them alone you probably should. ”
“She didn’t ask, she ordered.” I said.
“Same difference,” said Leo, “just because they behave like jerks does not mean you should bug ’em.”
“Ok, well she emailed me first! I said. “In fact she emails me whenever somebody pulls one of her stupid free sites down for TOS violations.” The last one was a doozy –
“FUCK OFF AND DIE! LEAVE MY WEBSITES ALONE!
I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!
I WILL PUT MY SITE RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN!
DO NOT TOUCH MY WEBSITES OR GET THEM SHUT DOWN AGAIN AND AGAIN!
I WILL FIGHT BACK!
I HAVE FACEBOOK AND WILL SAY ABOUT YOU AS MUCH AS WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME
AGAIN AND AGAIN!
LEAVE MY WEBSITES ALONE! MY ATTORNEY HAS BEEN CONTACTED!”
“haha!,” said Leo, “she was pissed at you about something. She thinks you are stalking her though, are you?”
“Of course not,” I said, ” I do have clipping services watching her and watching a number of key words. Other than that I don’t pay much attention to her.”
“Well, she can’t stop you from using the passive-fu ” said Leo.” She can ask you to stop looking at her shit, but she cannot enforce such a request. She could block you if she could figure out your IP. Anything else? Are you really bugging her house?”
“Of course not!” I said. “She publishes a lot of personal stuff and other people have told me about phone conversations with her. Apparently she’s kind of a blabbermouth. ” And besides “I said,” she’s got a history of thinking her home is bugged, look at this forum post from 2006. She’s talking about some other fellow. This is long before I ever heard of her.
“One question: How the hell did he know what was discussedin a private phone conversation between myself and mycousin a few nights ago? I sure as hell did not sayanything about this on this forum or any other?Also what right did he have to post our pics to any placeon the internet without our express written or oral consent.”
“That’s not the only example, “I continued. ” whenever she feels threatened by somebody she starts saying that they are following her around and spying on phone calls etc.
“Well, anyway,” said Leo Shyster. “She sent it to the wrong person AND she got their address wrong, I don’t think there is a “Fargo Florida” is there?
“Actually there is,” I said, but I don’t think the person she sent it to lives there. ” It rhymes with Fargo.
“OK,” Said Leo, ” so you have a letter saying basically , I demand you allow me to control your behavior on the Internet, and stop communicating with unknown persons. And while your at it, take information about me off of unknown web pages. It got sent to the wrong person at the wrong address! Then she also sends it to some “head of Information”services where this person presumably works as an attempt to harass? ” Am I getting that about right?
“That’s about it,
what do you think? ” I asked.
“Brrrrrippppp!!” said Leo. “Fuck em!”