Vampire Revolution!

Whoa! It’s  at www.Vampirewebsite.net

Need I say more? These people think they are freaking VAMPIRES!

OK; I must say more. All kidding aside for a moment, really people, vampires are a fairy tale no matter how many times you’ve watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I don’t care if you sat through Bram Stoker’s Dracula, twice! Even if you read the book (and you should read the book.)..BOOKS! Those squarish things? You remember! They keep them at-the-library!

Anyway, vampires do not really exist, you are not a vampire, you do not have super human powers, you are not a special in any way other than the way all people are special.

I suppose it is possible that the vampire legends of old are based on some strange genetic dysfunction that gives people pale skin, makes them crave the flavor of fresh blood and makes them energetic at night.  But jeezers peezers!  Most teens go through this at some portion of their lives. Maybe they don’t all crave blood,   but bodily fluids do play a part in it!

Well! According to Vampire Revolution, Vampires are very real and oh-so emo!

Some criteria to determine if YOU might be a vampire according to the good … um people at Vampire Revolution.

1. Do you have unusually white skin? If yes then cook up one or two (depending on size) medium rare steaks (the best way to do this) if by the time your done enjoying the second one you have a new pinkish color through out your body that you havent had in awhile read no farther you are a real vampire. (humans cant digest blood let alone get color from it, real vampires do. takes a lot less human blood then animal blood to get the same effect but animal blood is way easier to get.) if you were white before and still are see a doctor.(odds are you aren’t a real vampire, your just malnourished, they can help)

I just love the scientific reasoning and logic behind this! I get pink with delight over all kinds of things! Hey! I must be a coffee and M&Ms candy Vampire! ( A candy Vampire! Heh!)

2.Have you been told by professionals that your lucky that you survived a few things that you survived with pretty much just a scratch or a cut?

Um… professional luck auditors? Psychologists perhaps? What are we talking about here?

3. Are you a naturally strong magic/energy user self taught, self realized?

Do you lie to yourself? Do you think Dungeons and Dragons is for real? That sounds like a big yes to me!

4. As a kid were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class. and around 16 years of age maybe all 3?

This sounds like a good recipe for any Emo kid, like did the other kids pick on you when you informed them you were so special?

5. Did your dad disappear from your life while you were at a young age? (note 52% of vampires out of a large range of vampires have said yes to this, that includes people who believe they are real vampires however may not really be one.) Click for one theory on how this is vampire related, or Click here to give a response.

I’ll leave that one to the psychologists. I don’t think that they have done a statistical study on how many Vampires come from broken homes, shucks I don’t think they even have a psychological classification of a vampire other than Delusional disorder.

6. Do people often tell you that you look very young for your age, or that they would have never guessed how old you are?

All the time pal! Wow! I must be a Vampire or look younger than average (remember, half the people on Earth look younger than average.)

7. Are you extremely energetic at night time but seemingly around the time the sun comes up you get really tired?

Um..hello! When most people stay up all night they feel groggy in the morning, almost every time I do an all-nighter I feel tired in the morning …hello! Wait till you get to collage! That’s if you go to collage and that’s a BIG if right now!

8. Are you a slightly quicker healer than most, if not a much quicker healer?

Did you run a study? You and all your friends cut yourselves and compared the wounds each day to see who healed the fastest? (I actually believe you to be stupid enough to do that!)

9. Do you have an unusually high tolerance to alcohol and other poisons/toxins?

Alcohol is a poison? Hey now!

10. Do you tend to switch between very social and antisocial frequently?

No dickwad, I’m antisocial all the time!

11. Do you rarely get sick, or when you get sick does your body recover quicker than most people?

Yes!Vampire right?

12. Are your six senses more enhanced than most other peoples, i.e. vision, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and intuition?

Um, there are only five senses, intuition is not a sense! It’s a process of brain that combines input from the FIVE senses, memory and in certain individuals, uses their higher brain functions to “synthesize” new ideas or solutions to problems. I know that coz I’m smart!

13. Do you have extremely good vision in the dark, how many times has some one said its to dark they cant see while you were doing something like reading?

I’ll pretend I can’t see that butchered sentence.

14. Do you tend to not be surprised or scared by the typical sudden loud noise in a movie or things like that because you sensed it coming.

Gaaa! NO! Because I like MOST people have reflexive reactions to certain stimuli. Loud sudden sounds can evoke a fight-flight reaction which served our ancestors very well.

15. Do you tend to react to things like catching a falling object or other normally unexpected things at an almost psychic speed? (as if you were expecting it to happen).

Yes! I must be a Vampire!  Or I have good reflexes!

16. Do you tend to get a high from human blood, when drinking someones blood do you tend to find yourself being able to do something that they could do (that you couldn’t do) about 2 weeks after drinking it?

No, I tend to get grossed out by that. Unless it’s the blood of a virgin! Mmmmm!

17. Are you sensitive to light or the heat from it (ranging from getting a bad glare to burning very easily)?

I almost cannot relate to how stupid this is. Light and heat are both part of the electromagnetic spectrum, that’s like saying “do you get wet from water and the wetness of water?”

18. If while your skin is white from lack of enough blood in you, do you bleed quite noticeably less than a person normally should, or more likely not bleed at all?

Um, you learned that at which medical school?

19. Are your nails clear like glass, yet very strong?

What? What does that have to do with…..

20. Is you’r bedroom the coldest and darkest room in the house?

I bet yours is!

21. A legitimate Vampire is able to safely digest more than 600% of the daily recommended amount of iron(RDA is 18mg 600% of that is 108mg)This can be tested by use of iron pills bought at almost any nutrition store or grocery store. (always read the warnings on this site).

This whole site is a warning! It’s warning me that you’re a loony!

22. How often do you look at the person that almost bumped (or bumped in to you) in to you and think “you idiot, or people are so stupid” because they didn’t know that you were only a couple feet away from them, because you always know when someone is that close to you? (which when you think about it you only know because you can sense when someone is that close to you).

Ahhhhhhh! EVERYONE HAS HAD THAT EXPERIENCE!

23. Do you always feel a strong urge to travel.

Why Yes! There MUST be some supernatural, mysteries reason for it! I must be a werewolf… ur vampire or something.  I also like lattes! Is there a mystical reason behind that too? Hey I must be a chocolate and LATTE Vampire!

24. How often does something smell so strong that you can literaly taste it, whether its a good thing or a bad thing? (little note when most people say it smells so strong that they can taste it, only say it as a figure of speech. and the people that agree with you when you say it rarely can taste it, think i’m wrong ask them yourself).

Um…. Hello? Taste and smell are interrelated senses! You don’t cook much do you?

25. Can you hear a whisper from across a room?

If it’s loud enough. I watched the entire run of La Fem Nikita and they whispered all the time.

26. Is there a dark colored ring around the the iris (color part) of you’r eyes? All real vampires have this, however not everyone that has it is a real vampire.

Hu- what!  That makes almost no sense. That’s like saying, “all perverts have beards except those with beards who are not perverts.”

27. Is there a noticeablly different color surrounding the pupil? (Inner part of the color of your eyes.)

Um yes, my pupil is black and my iris is blue-gray. That must make me some kind of mystical super being! (Well I am the Odd Emperor!)

28. Do the words “come on outside, it’s a nice bright sunny day, and theres a lot of people out.” seem more like a bad thing than a good thing to you, as oppossed to the guy who said it to you, saying it with a big happy smile.

WTF? Do the words “this web page sucks and you suck for being a part of it evoke a reaction?

If so than my work here is done!

29. According to multiple news articles easily found online older adults cant here this, so far I haven’t found some one over 36 nonvamp that can, click to try to hear it. warning: if you can hear it, it will be loud. (always follow the warnings on this website) My reference for this yahoo homepage/news 6-21-06, and testing it on friends.

Yah sure, does it occur to you that kids can hear sound that adults can’t, I think read that on Wikipedia! And perhaps some medical journals, I’ll get a truck and bring them over to you!

30. Regardless of how normal you may consider yourself to be, do you tend to meet a lot of weird people that you quite often hit it off with relatively frequently? (keep in mind, normal is just a politically correct term for people that have no creativity. And definately is NOT some thing to be proud of calling yourself).

Huh what do you say? Normal people are not creative? I think you just insulted the VAST MAJORITY of people on the Earth.

31. Do you have a predator instinct that is so strong that, it makes most people seem to act more like herbivores than the omnivores that they consider themselves to be?

I like rare steak, does that count?

32. Does sunlight/bright light in general hurt your eyes and head, most cases to the point of a migraine?
(but you can still go out in it).

I and 6.7 billion other people have this problem.

33. Do electrical appliances generally tend to hate you?
(watches stop often, computers malfunction for no reason, microwaves start up by themselves, etc).

You could be a vampire or you just might be an emo klutz!

34. Are your dreams often extremely vivid and sometimes result in cases of deja vu?

I dreamed that I was going to review an extremely dorky page written by people with bad grammar and spelling who thought they were super human. Guess what! It came true!

35. Do people often find you very empathetic to how they feel?

Most of the time they feel butthurt!

36. Do people usually either trust you completely or not trust you at all?

Butthurt people don’t trust me. That would hurt my feelings except that I don’t give a fig about butthurt people.

37. When you will things to happen, do they usually happen?

Like with magic spells? Or like with driving? I willed myselfto make a sandwich and a sanwich appeared!

38. Does your mood have an obvious effect on the mood of others around you, only count this if it happens to the people that cant see you. (especially on babies and animals like cats).

I’ve read this question several times and I cannot make heads or tails of it. But, needless to say, many of these things apply to just about everyone.

Click Here To Find Places Where You Can Meet Others Like You. For those of you who want to try to feel important by poking holes in this list, Read this first and don’t waste your breath trying, because I know i’m right, this list only applies to blood vampires, and your belief isn’t required nor do I care if you disagree with me.

In other words, “I’m a freaking nutball who can’t (note the contraceptive apostrophe) quite come to grips that I’m not a unique and special snowflake so I’m going to cook up a fake syndrome based on some old stories about demons who drink blood and watching too many episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. SCREW YOU UN-BELIVER!!! ”

Technically the Real Vampire is still a human, however for sake of discussion let us think of viral Vampires as non-human or as the next step in human evolution. This is difficult to believe because many of the attributes of a Real Vampire are considered far more developed than those of a human. Strength, speed, enhanced mental and/or psychic abilities, the ability to digest human and animal blood more efficiently are but a few of the differences.

So-far I’m not on board any of this. If for the sake of argument there are a horde of superior beings out there who can outrun, out swim and outthink us mere mortals because they are further along in evolution, where are they? Certainly not the person who made this webpage! Perhaps Fred Phelps is a Vampire! He can certainly out swim anyone !

Do us all a favor and if you aren’t a real vampire (i.e. one of those people that thinks they are one do to reincarnation, and goes way to heavy on the Goth dressing style.) Don’t declare yourself as a real ampire because people like you are the ones that make people think that real vampires are just a few marbles short of a full bag.

Well, I going to go out on a limb here and say that just about anyone who thinks they are a real vampire are a few oars short of a Quadrireme. You can make all the blank statements you like about how you believe this and how dare you question that. There may very well be people who behave like vampires, drink blood and hang out in Goth clubs (there are people who behave in all sorts of disgusting ways,) that does not make them a vampire or an elf, Peter Pan, a messiah or anything else. If it makes you feel better about yourself to pretend to be a fantasy monster out of a TV show, heck I can deal with that. But don’t expect me to do much more than snicker and for gods sake! Run your shit through a spell checker!

Sheeze!

www.Vampirewebsite.net