Part 4.
I finished my EPF in fine form. I was applauded at graduation. I felt like a little celebrity. It was such a big deal that I was so young and so little and flew threw the EPF so adeptly. Now I could really get into the meat of things and be an actual SEA ORG MEMBER!!!! This is what I scrubbed so many pots for…
I came into ITO for my first day. I was shown around the org. I got introduced to the group at muster. I felt special. I was the youngest person in the org and nearly the youngest in the entire building! Wow! I was dressed in my uniform – second hand with armpit stains mind you. It of course did not fit right. I was assigned to HCO as an Expeditor. I began getting to know my cohorts. They seemed to be all under the age of 20 in HCO with the exception of 2 people. I was shy but everyone was friendly. They teased me a bit about being so small and young but it was cool – I was part of their “group”. I did some filing and routed some comm into the comm baskets. All in all, it was a fine day.
The next day I came in, had breakfast, went to muster and checked in to HCO again. The D/COI, who also happened to be my guardian told me that it was time to talk about my future post. She informed me that I was going to be the Outer Org Trainees MAA! My first response was “what the hell is that?!?!?”. She explained to me that I was going to be the ethics officer for all of the students from all of the orgs who study at ITO. Urp… what, how, why? She told me that I wass HCO Qual’d which was a big f*cking deal. Not many people were cool enough to be in HCO. I should feel special! I started bawling. She was starting to get pissed off at me. She told me to knock of the “case on post” and grow up because I was a Sea Org member. Try as I might, I couldn’t get it together. She was angry but felt some compassion and saw that I was not going to just stop crying with her yelling at me. She took me for a walk. I got it together enough to tell her why I was crying. I told her “Dan and John (my recruiters) had PROMISED me that I was going to get to be an Auditor when I joined the Sea Org. They had said NOTHING about being in HCO and being an MAA and how the hell am I supposed to be an MAA when I don’t know the first thing about doing Ethics Cycles?!?”. She told me that I was not going to go on the TTC because you need upstats and a production record in order to get put on the TTC and I had neither. She also told me that since I had done the Intro to Scientology Ethics on the EPF, that was all I needed to know in order to be an MAA. So there it was – I was screwed. I was not going to be an Auditor. We walked back to the HGB and by then it was lunch time. I sat down with my new friends in HCO and told them that I was staying in HCO. They were happy for me. They told me how cool it was to be in HCO. I was not convinced. Oh but it gets better…
Lunch was over and it was time for muster. The CO was standing up front with a couple of girls I hadn’t seen before. Roll call happened. A few people who were not at roll call were rounded up. Something big was about to happen and no one was allowed to miss it. There was a feeling in the air. It was electric. I was nervous. What’s going on? Well pretty shortly we found out. The entire Org was assigned a condition of “Confusion”. We were told that we would not be allowed study time, nor would we be allowed full meal breaks. Also we were only to be eating BEANS AND RICE! The org was on total lockdown. The shit had hit the fan. We were to White Glove the entire org which was 3 floors of the HGB. Oh fuck. It was a rough muster. The strange girls turned out to be CMO IXU. I had no clue what that meant or that they were senior to me. After muster one of them approached me and asked why I was not wearing makeup. I gulped and said because I was only 13 and had NEVER worn makeup. She yelled at me for backflashing for not calling her sir. She ordered me to put on makeup. Thus began a 4 1/2 year pattern of undue harassment from the girls in CMO. I would never be good enough by their standards. My new found friend Holly in HCO took me up the street to a Walgreens and picked out some Wet N Wild makeup for me to wear. We raced back to the Org and went into the bathroom where she proceeded to teach me how to apply it. I put on orange foundation, black eyeliner, green eyeshadow and some red lipstick. Oh man did I look HOT.
I came out of the bathroom and sought out my guardian. I had some questions for her. I demanded to know why I should be a part of the condition assignment when I was new to the Org. I remembered seeing somewhere that by all accounts, I should be exempt from the condition assignment being that I was new to the group. Well, she informed me that I would need to query it with the assigners of the condition. I was going to have to take it up with that bitch from CMO. Ohhhh boy.
I will write more and post it as I write. It’s going to be awhile before I come to the end because I left the Sea Org when I was 18.
I hope that others who experienced what I have, will find strength in all that is going on and have the courage to come forth with their stories as well. I know that talking to Tommy, my old friend Astra and posting on ESMB and ESK has helped me immensely and that has what has gotten me talking finally.