Karen Michael
Record Staff Writer
Roswell Daily Record
Not only is it feasible to build an alien-themed amusement park in Roswell, a city official said, it’s the only city where such a park could work.
Zach Montgomery, planning director for the city of Roswell, said New Mexico State University’s Arrowhead Business Center did the feasibility study on the possibility of locating an alien theme park in Roswell. Because of the worldwide recognition of Roswell for aliens, he said, it was much more viable in the area.
“This is not a guaranteed project, but it has gone farther than any other theme park that has been considered for the city of Roswell, and it’s looking very positive, he said.This project will add greatly to the things to do for the visitors that visit our great city in search of answers regarding aliens and UFOs, and the tax benefits and profits that could be realized from a project of this magnitude are tremendous.”
Such a theme park could also provide many new local jobs, Montgomery said.
Local officials approached Gov. Bill Richardson in early December about the next phase of work on the alien theme park, and Montgomery said the governor encouraged them to request the funding from state Tourism Secretary Michael Cerletti because the phase will cost less than $250,000.
The next phase, Montgomery said, is creation of a business plan, a competitive analysis, a cost-benefit analysis, a management analysis, a schematic design and a development plan.
Montgomery said that in size and scope, the alien theme park would likely be similar to Six Flags Over Texas, a theme park in Arlington, Texas.
“It’s going to have multiple rides, a learning center for research, if anyone wants to do research on their own, interactive stations where you can interact with the data” he said.
The park could be “anywhere from 75 to about 150 acres, depending on what is finally realized, negotiated and figured up, Montgomery said, noting that the studies will determine how large the park could be. He said there is no certainty on where the park could be built, except that it should be built within the city.
“We want to locate it inside city limits for the definite tax breaks, he said.
Montgomery said the city is not a partner in the effort to recruit a theme park, but could help out with water and sewer lines, paving streets and other projects.
“All of this is to be negotiated down the road, because the city has not voted on it,” he said.
Several companies have already been approached about the possibility of building such a theme park in Roswell, Montgomery said, including Walt Disney World Company, Six Flags, Paramount and Madame Tussauds.
Ventures like this can always benefit from competition; I suggest that a skeptical theme park be built down the road a piece from Roswell’s extravaganza. Such a skeptical park could feature:
1.) A massive, high-tech roller-coaster called The “Shermernator”
2.) The “Hall of Misperceptions.” High-tech optical illusions to entertain and edify.
3.) The “Real Roswell Pavilion.” Would feature a diorama of an iguana standing next to a saguaro cactus. The gift shop could sell box kites, helium balloons, bags of dry sand, and novelty cello-tape with strange markings on it.
4.) A midway with various games of skill and chance. It could have “Smack a Mole,” but the mole could be a lifelike latex effigy of Stan Friedman’s head. There could be a shooting arcade with UFOs that go “poof” into nothingness when hit. Effigies of various ufological icons could pop up from behind rocks, etc.
5.) Various “thrill rides,” like “The Mad UFologist,” which is a flying saucer on a circular track that does nothing but go around and around in a circle; or “Debating Bumper Cars,” where the cars are two different colors, “believers and debunkers.” The “believer” cars shout obscenities when you hit the horn, and the debunker horns spout off textbook logical fallacies. Example: “Fuck off, Pelican Head!” Response: “Ad hominem, ad hominem.”
6.) Each morning the park could open with a parade. People in costumes with inordinately large and unwieldly heads, featuring the countenances of Hynek, Keyhoe, Friedman, Lehmberg, et al, would skip along waving. A killing could be made selling cream pies and water balloons to throw at them.
7.) Every night, at closing time, there could be fireworks, while a large wicker UFO is burnt upon a pedestal.
Oh, yeah – I forgot to mention. The park could be named “Debunkerland.”
I keep having afterthoughts. I should have waited to post until I finished grinding this up in the cogs.
It’s going to have multiple rides, a learning center for research, if anyone wants to do research on their own, interactive stations where you can interact with the data” he said.
In a semi-serious vein, the above idea highlights the absurdity which is part-and-parcel of ufology, which you spoke of at my blog. Only ufology could sustain this kind of “mixed media,” e.g., thrill rides, a learning center, and personal ufological research workstations, in one bag. Supposing that ufology is a “scientific discipline” in its own right (as so many buffs do), out in the real world this would translate into something like “Lawerence LivermoreLand,” or “Wally World at U.C. Berkeley” or “Sandia National Laboratories Waterpark and Resort.”
Old John Harvey Kellog would have called it “vulgar profit.”
Best,
RDB
Oh DUDE! You had to get me going didn’t you?
I can’t imagine what a personal Ufological research station might be. A video machine running old reruns of The Invaders?
For the Roswell UFO park;
They could have an alien abduction ride- adults only. Afterwards you see a mockup of your hybrid baby behind one-way glass. You can take a photo of him home, for a nominal fee.
Richard Hoag-Land, where you check off your fake credentials, then appear in a video with Walter Cronkite to explain how giant glass moon buildings can only appear in fuzzy Apollo photos.
The Strieber encounter (Whitley just comes as himself.)
The Art Bell Superstorm Simulator ride. See how your city will be ruined by sinister US government forces.
Leslie’s la-la land, a musical extravaganza of color, lights, sound and fluffy puppy-dogs.
The Beckjord Experience; patrons are spun around inside a chamber while they pump in nitrus oxcide and loud rock music.
Lord Rick’s fukun Part-ay Pavilion.
The Binnall all star circus! Featuring Mighty Joe V!
Bigfoot; Up close and Personal! (free air freshener provided)
The Red Queen’s blog-a-rama and shout fest. Red Queen introduces patrons to the Odd Emperor’s web page, his picture is flashed onto a screen while she leads them in an Orwellian five-minute-hate. Then she shouts shameless plugs as the patrons flee in terror.
Geoge Ademski’s Mission to the Moon. Come experience the ride of your life as an alien mothership whisks you to the mysterious lunar surface. Marvel at the sharp desert sky and breathe the fresh-smog free air!
For Debunkerland;
The Klassworks; View recordings of real eye-witnesses then, learn to debunk them.
The Alfred Lehmberg Dunking Booth, Alfred screams insults into a megaphone while patrons throw factballs at a target, dropping him into a pool. (The target is quite large.) We can sell it to Alfred by claiming all the patrons are members of the Pettingill family, he’ll go along. He’s done it before!
Skeptics of Forteana. (song) Yo-ho – yo-ho a skeptic life for me! We stomp-we mock – belittle- debunk, what’s up you woo-woos?
The Bill Knapp, Carousel of Ufology progress, patrons are seated in a rotating building as noted Ufologists hash and rehash the same cases over and over and over.
At the very end is a large sign, “This Way to the Final Answer,” with an arrow leading to the parking lot.
Hey you know? The idea has legs, think about the killing we could make selling huckster-tables to self-published authors! After getting taken to the cleaners by Publish America, purchasing a table for $200.00 a day is not a big stretch.
The Bill Knapp, Carousel of Ufology progress, patrons are seated in a rotating building as noted Ufologests hash and rehash the same cases over and over and over…
Ha-ha – that’s funny! It could be called the “Sit and Spin Room,” or the “Sit and Rotate Room.”
You know, I think there’s a computer game that allows you to build your own theme park. I have to go out to Costco this afternoon (which is close to Best Buys), and I’m definitely going to look for this. I need some leisure, and designing “Debunkerland” sounds like good fun… 🙂
Best,
RDB
Ha-ha – that’s funny! It could be called the Sit and Spin Room,’or the Sit and Rotate Room.
Or “The Spin Zone,” a sort of double entendre. You literally spin, while ufologists endlessly apply their spin.